
Price, 25 Cents 



A Class Day Play for 
Girls' Schools 

(Female Characters) 



Shakespeare 
Up-to-date 




By 



ETHELYN SEXTON 

(Albert Lea College) 



Copyright, 1916 
By March Brothers 



MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 
208, 210, 212 Wright Ave., Lebanon, O. 




SHAKESPEARE 
UP-TO-DATE 



A Class Day Play for 
Girls' Schools 

(Female Characters) 



BY 

ETHELYN SEXTON 

(Albert Lea College) 



Price, 25 Cents 



Copyright, 1916 
By March Brothers 



MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 

208, 210, 212 Wright Ave., Lebanon, Ohio 



i. 






^^ 



CHARACTERS 



Hamlet [who wants to buy an automobile.] 
jAQUitS [zvho likes to soliloquize]. 
PoKTiA [a college student^ daughter of Shylock]. 
Ophelia [a market girl in love zmth Hamlet]. 
Othello [Moor of Venice, engaged to Portia]. 
TiTANiA [a fairy, first aid to Cupid]. 

SCENE 

Driveway near Elsinore Castle. Shrubbery at 
rear; rustic seat at right. If given indoors, pla- 
cards reading "Driveway," "Shrubbery," etc., 
may be hung on improvised material, thus sug- 
gesting the Elizabethan stage. 

COSTUMES 

Costumes are of the plays from which the 
.characters are taken, with the exception of Por- 
'tia, who may wear middie costume, or any con- 
ventional college dress. 



TMP96-006749 n-< 



T 






(yui.U 44889 



SYNOPSIS 

Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, wishes to buy an 
automobile. Portia, whose father, Shylock, is 
agent ^^for the Ford, asks the "melancholy 
Jaques" to introduce her to the Prince, that she 
may interest him in her father's car. 

Portia is engaged to Othello, the Moor of 
Venice, who is in America selling gondolas ; but 
her ardor for furthering her father's business 
causes her to devote too much time to Hamlet, 
who falls violently in love with her. 

Ophelia, a pretty market girl, loves Hamlet, 
but her love is not returned. One day, as she is 
coming to market with her vegetables, Othello, 
who is talking with Jacques, hears of Portia's 
fickleness. In order to console him, Jaques sug- 
gests that Othello pretend an affection for Oph- 
elia; thus making Portia jealous. 

Othello acts upon this advice and carries on a 
most successful flirtation with the pretty market 
girl. But, meanwhile, Hamlet has made Portia 
forget her vows to Othello, and she promises to 
elope with him. The plan is overheard by Othello, 
who is at first shocked. He soon realizes, how- 



ever, that he has a deep affection for Ophelia, 
and does not regret the loss of Portia. 

At the place and time appointed for the elope- 
ment, Hamlet and Portia find Othello and Oph- 
elia. Explanations ensue and everything is satis- 
factorily arranged. Portia returns a ring and 
Othello slips it on Ophelia's finger. All turn in 
gratitude to Jacques, who has unwittingly brought 
about this condition of affairs. He, however, 
turns away in disgust, when Titania enters. She 
imparts a word of warning to the lovers, and 
then laughingly consoles Jaques. 



SEP 14 1916 



Shakespeare Up-to-date 

A Nonsense Play for Female Characters. 
By Ethelyn Sexton. 

Particularly adapted to girls' schools 



[Hamlet is discovered pacing hack and forth. 1 

Ham. To buy or not to buy — that is the ques- 
tion. 
Whether 'tis nobler to sit on one's own 

front veranda 
And watch your neighbors passing by in 

autos, 
Or take your money from the First 

National 
And buy a car; 
To ride, to speed, to speed — 
'Tis a consummation devoutly to be 

wished. 
To ride, to speed, to speed? 
Perchance to be arrested — Aye, there's 

the rub ! 
For if perchance I should be pulled for 

speeding 
Who is there that would come and bail 

me out ? 
Yet if 'twere done when 'twere well 

done, 
'Twere well 'twere done quickly. 



6 SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 

And yet, concerning tires and spark 

plugs, chains and carburetors, 
I know, alas ! so little. Soft, who comes 

here? 
It is tlie melancholy Jaques. [Enter 

Jaques (R.).] 
Greetings, Monsieur Melancholy. 

[Jaques does not reply.] 
Greetings, sirrah ! 
[^side.] Methinks he has a lean and 

hungry look. 
[To Jaques.] I prithee tell me what is 

the cause of thy sad aspect? 

Jaq. [Reciting]. 

All the world's a stage. 

And all the men and women merely 

players. 
They have their exits and their entrances, 
And one man in his time plays many 

partes, 
His acts being seven ages — 

Ham. Oh, cut it out, Jaques; go hire a hall. 
I learned all that when I took English 

in 's class. Listen. I 

would a tale unfold. 

Jaq. Get busy, then. 

Ham. [melodramatically]. Jaques, I long to 
whizz through space upon the wings 
of the wind. I long to break all rec- 
ords. [Dropping his tragic air.] I 
am thinking of buying an automobile. 



SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 7 

Jaq. What kind of a car? 

Ham. 'Tis that which worries me. Hast thou 
a word upon the subject? 

Jaq. Here's an advertisement of the 

that's just about your size. [Hands 

him a leaflet.] 
[Hamlet strolls left and peruses the 

leaflet.] 
[Enter Portia, studying. Looks up and 

sees Jaques.] 

PoR. Oh, Jaques, can you tell me the theme of 
"Adonais"? It was written by Kelly 
or Sheets. Last semester I did 
learn, but I remember not. [Sees 
Hamlet.] Who is that? 

Jaq. That's Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. He's 
got the auto bug. 

PoR. Auto, did you say? Oh, introduce me, 
Jaques. Shylock, my father, is agent 
for the Ford. Perhaps it will fall 
out that I shall make a sale. 

[Jaques and Portl\ cross to Hamlet. 
Jaques touches Hamlet on the arm and 
speaks to Hamlet.] 

Jaq. Lady to meet you. This, Hamlet, is 
Lady Portia, daughter of Shylock. 
She would have pleasant speech with 
thee. 



8 SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 

PoR. The quality of a Ford car is not strained. 
It rambleth right along, whate'er betide. 
It is twice blest. 
It blesseth him that buys and him that 

sells. 
It becomes the chauffeur better than his 

goggles. 
It is enthroned in the heart of the poor 

man. 

Ham. Methinks there is much wisdom in her 
sayings. 

Jaq. I thought you were talking about buying 
a car. 

PoR. [To Jaoues.] Who's doing this? [To 
Hamlet.] Shylock, my father, has 
a car even now in his garage. Come, 
I will take you for a little spin 
around the castle grounds. 
[As they go out Jaoues speaks.] 

Jaq. Why not try the Castle Walk ? Now for 
a little peace. 
[He strikes an attitude.] 
All the world's a stage, 
And all the men and women — 

[Othello enters and slaps Jaques on 
the back.] 

Oth. Salutations, Sir Poet. I am Othello, the 
Moor of Venice, where formerly I 
sold gondolas, but since the war I 
am forced to come to America, 



SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. y 

where I am persuading people of re- 
fined tastes to purchase beautiful 
gondolas. What more pleasant on 
a moonlight night than to glide 
across the water which ripples and 
shines — 

Jaq. Gondolas! Who wants gondolas? 
[Scornfully.^ 

Oth. I have just sold a dozen to 



School The maidens will receive 
gymnasium credits for propelling the 
swan-like crafts upon the lake. 
Now, if you don't want to buy one 
yourself, perchance you can tell me 
of some one that does. 

Jaq. You might get Hamlet to buy one. He 
was raving around here about an 
automobile, when along came Portia 
and took him out in her little old 
Ford. 

Oth. [Greatly agitated]. Portia, did you say? 
Why,'that girl is engaged to me by 
a hundred and fifty dollar ring. 

Jaq. She's evidently engaged to sell Fords for 
her father. 

Oth. [Wildly]. And she did love me once, 
and not without cause. What causeth 
her to leave me in this manner ? 

Jaq. Othello, take my advice. Never trust a 
woman. 



10 SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 

Oth. But she is fair and fairer than that word. 
She goeth to the college on the hill 

^ And inside the classic walls of 

Hall 
She learneth wandrous things. 

Mistress hath taught her how 

to cook, to broil, to sew. 
She knoweth English, German, French. 

Jaq. Who taught her how to win the hearts 
of men? 

Oth. Miss or Miss , I know 

not which. 

Jaq. See here, Othello, let me give you a 
little advice. 
Would you like to know how to make 
Portia fairly dote on you? 

Oth. Speak, I am bound to hear. 

Jaq. Did you ever hear of Ophelia? 

Oth. Ophelia? In love with Hamlet, is she 
not? 

Jaq. You are right. But Hamlet is a flirta- 
tious fellow ; he doesn't care for 
Ophelia. Now see here. You carry 
on a little flirtation with Ophelia. 
Then Hamlet will be jealous and 
Portia will be jealous, and you'll all 
live happy ever after. 

Oth. Are you sure it will work? 

Jaq. Of course ; it always does. 



SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 11 

Oth. Bring forth the fair OpheHa ! 

Jaq. She'U be going by with vegetables to 

market pretty soon. Step to one 

side and Hsten when she comes. 

There she is. 

[Both step to rear (R.) as Ophelia 

enters. She carries a basket of vegetables 

on one arm. As she speaks, tears leaves 

from cabbages.] 

Oph. He loves me! He loves me not! Oh, 
Hamlet ! Hamlet ! 

Jaq. Isn't she good looking? 

Oth. In sooth she is passing fair. 

Oph. Here's radishes ; they are good with salt 
on ; spinach, nice with olive oil, and 

all from own garden. 

[Jaques and Othello step forth.] 
Good morning, sirs ; what would you buy 
today ? 

Jaq. Let me present you to the Moor of 
Venice. 
[Ophelia courtesys]. 

Oth. May I perchance go walk a way with 
you? 

Oph. Surely, sir, and you may carry my basket. 

Oth. I will on one condition. 

Oph. And what is that? 



12 SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 

Oth. That you will give me a bouquet from 

out your basket. 
Oph. Gladly. [Pins onions on his coat.] 

Oth. All the perfumes of Arabia can not 
sweeten this little herb. 
[He takes her basket and they go out 
(L.)] 

Jaq. At last a little peace is mine. Let me 
see, where was I ? Oh, yes. 
They have their exits and their entrances. 
And one man in his time plays many 
parts — 
[Voices of Hamlet and Portia heard 
outside. They enter. \ 

PoR. Sir Hamlet, how likest thou the Ford? 

Ham. I like it well, fair damsel, and may I 
make bold to say I like the driver, 
too? [Jaques exits.] 

PoR. Let's talk business, Hamlet. What dost 
thou think of the engine? 

Ham. [Perplexed]. I do not know; I did not 
see the engine. Methinks the engine 
is missing. 

PoR. Stupid ! How did it sound ? 

Ham. Oh, Portia, I listened not to the engine, 
but to the music of your voice. 

PoR. Be sensible, Hamlet. Didst like the car- 
buretor? 



SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 13 

Ham. [Pujsded]. The carburetor? Oh, yes, 
the carburetor doth suit me well. 

PoR. And tell me of the spark plugs. 

Ham. The spark plugs do A^ork well, but not 
so well as I hope they will sometime.- 

PoR. Hamlet, really you must remember that 
Othello, the Moor of Venice, hath 
given me this ring. 

Ham. Yes, fair Portia, but also heed my words. 
Thou goest to a women's college and 
know not men. For over the por- 
tals all men read, ''Abandon hope, 
all ye who enter here." 

PoR. Oh, yes, but the rude men do not enter; 
they sing beneath our windows when 
teachers lie asleeping. 

Ham. Yet I protest you know not men, not 
such men as I. Now / would never 
stand outsid^ the window. I would 
walk into the parlor. 

PoR. But the parlor throngs with maidens who 
dwell, you know, within the walls of 
the "Mansion of Aching Hearts." 

Ham. I fear not girls. For your sake, dearest 
Portia, I would brave even these. 

PoR. But suppose the dean of women should 
come in ? 

Ham. I would salute her fair, and she would 
not say me nay. 



14 SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 

PoR. I know, then, Hamlet, that thou art truly 
brave — but still there is Othello. 

Ham. We should manifest concern about 
Othello ! 

[They go out (R.)- Enter Othello 
and Ophelia, talking earnestly.] 

0th. Oh, Ophelia^ would that I could take you 
from this life of toil ! But I am be- 
trothed to Portia. 

Oph. [Sighing]. I know not why I am so 
sad. It wearies me ; you say it makes 
you tired. 

Oth. Cheer up, fair one; everything will come 

out all ri^ht ; of that I am assured. 

But wait, I hear voices. Let us wait 

until those approaching shall pass by. 

[They step behind the shrubbery. 

Hamlet and Portia enter (R.)] 

Ham. Since thou, fair Portia, hast given me 
thy word that thou wilt marry me, 
let's flee away and seek out a jus- 
tice of the peace. 

POR. But what will Shylock, my father, say ? 

Ham. Shylock will be joyful. No longer will 
he be compelled to pay out ducats 
to the college. No longer will he 
receive accounts from soda parlors 
which call for ducats — ever more 
for ducats. 



SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 15 

PoR. But there's the ring Othello gave me. 

Ham. Send it back to him by parcel post. And 
now go pack your suit case and we 

will hie to the corner of , 

there to catch the jitney which flit- 
teth swift as ever swallow flew. • 

PoR. Oh, that jitney is ever behind the hour. 
Come, now, I will not go unless thou 
buyest a Ford, and thus we will 
depart. 

Ham. So be it, gentle maiden; thou hast me in 
thy horsepower. Now let us hence ! 
I'll pay my sheckels for the Ford 
while thou dost pack thy suit case. 
Then we will meet anon at this place. 

PoR. Adieu, my lord. 

[Hamlet kneels and kisses her hand; 
then goes out (L.). Portia goes 
out (R.)- Othello and Ophelia 
come dozani stage.] 

Oth. [Greatly agitated]. That was the most 
unkindest cut of all. Inconstancy, 
thy name is woman. But come, dry 
those tears. Sweet are the uses of 
adversity, for now, Ophelia, I can 
truly say, I love you. 

Oph. Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, fare thee 
well. 
[They embrace, and do not see Jaques, 
zuho enters (L.), speaking]. 



16 SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 

Jaq. Greetings, friends. [They do not hear 
him.] Greetings. I say, Othello, 
don't you think you are overdoing 
things ? 

[Othello turns and seizes Jaques by 
the hand]. 

Oth. Jaques, you have made me the happiest 
man in the state. 

Jaq. I don't get you. What's the Big Idea? 

Oth. Why, don't you see — [Enter Portia 
(R.) and Hamlet (L.), clad in 
automobile outfit, carrying suit 
cases, etc. They stop, amazed.] 
Well, Portia, what hast thou to say? 

PoR. I hast nothing to say except here's your 
old ring. 

[She crosses and stands by Hamlet. 
Otheli,o takes the ring and puts it on 
Ophelia's finger.] 

Jaq. And one man in his time plays many 
parts. 
Oh, day and night, but this is wondrous 
strange ! 

Ham. Jaques, you are a born match-maker. I 
owe you more than tongue can tell. 

PoR- [Going to Jaques]. And I, too, for 
Hamlet really bought a car, you 
know. 



SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 17 

Oph. [Going to Jaoues]. Oh, Jaques, thou 
hast turned my night to day. 

Jaq. All I have to say is ''All the world's a 

stage — " 

[All shozv signs of distress and turn 

azvay. Enter Titania. She dances 

across the stage and looks at each couple 

and then at Jaques, and laughingly says]. 

Tit. What fools these mortals be. 

To each a word of warning I would give. 
With attention let each one heed. 

[Turns 'to Jaques]. 
Jaques, be not so amazed, 
In the game of love there are no rules, 
And Cupid, taking random aim 
Of wise men, often maketh fools. 

[Turns to Portia]. 
Portia, thou art a fickle lass. 
But now you must be good and true. 
Hamlet, let her not in lightsome mood 
Sometime give back a ring to you. 

[Turns to Ophelia]. 
Ophelia, from your story let all maids a 
lesson take. 

Oph. I pray you, Titania, tell me what it is. 

Tit. Waste not tears on hopeless love. 

For love that's cold weep not nor sigh ; 
For every heart another beats, 
True love will soon come riding by. 
[To all] 



18 SHAKESPEARE UP-TO-DATE. 

And now to the wedding 
Let us all away. 
Lead, Hamlet, and, Othello, 
ni follow — if I may. 

[The two couples pass off the stage 
howing to Titania as they leave. Jaques 
stands alone, zvith his head bent. Titania 
looks at him laughing, then running, 
seises his hand and drags him off.] 

[curtain.] ► 



A LARG 
for your 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



016 103 947 




A Big Flag 



AT A 



Little Price 

Size 5x8 feet 



Price, only $1.69, Postpaid 



Description. 



Made of a strong grade of 
Cotton Bunting, strictly fast 
Government colors, machine sewed. These flags are 
protected from fraying or ripping at the end by turn- 
ing in a double thickness, stitched with four rows of 
stitching. Canvas headings and grommets. All flags 
have full number of stars sewed on both sides. They 
are high grade, durable and perfect. The Biggest 
Flag Bargain Offered. 

How to get one C*^,^-^^ 
of these big flags K iCC 

Your scholars will gladly contribute five cents each for the flag. 
Or, divide the schoo linto "teams," and have a contest to see 
which team can raise the most money for the flag. Or, send 
us thirty cents for three dozen very finelittle silk flags. These 
your scholars can sel J for five cents each, proceeds to go towards 
the purchase of a flag. Or, give an entertainment and with the 
proceeds buy a flag and a library. The people want you to have 
a flag, and they will help. 

Don't Delay— -Do It Now I 



MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 

208, 210, 212 Wright Avenue, LEBANON, OHIO 



